Vampires tend to get a lot of flack these days.  It doesn’t help that for this year’s costume you only need to be shirtless and bi-curious.  But, you can safely add that to the list of uninspired outfits you should expect to see from costume party guests this year.

Still, you could do a lot worse.  Let’s take a closer look at your worst Halloween costume choices.

Lazy “sexy” costumes – The choice of far too many women. The stripper witch,  miniskirted cop, and of course the naughty nurse.   “Great costume, Jenny. You’re a…prostitute?”

Wear black – I’m not sure where this brilliant idea came from.  You’ll only look like you’re on your way to rob someone with that trick-or-treating bag.  And, if it’s your lucky day, perhaps you’ll get hit by a car too.

Baby Sandwich – To the parents out there: despite the wild popularity of “David after dentist,” it’s not the greatest idea to exploit your child for entertainment value.  I’ve seen babies dressed as Whoopee cushions, tacos, and footballs.  Considering that Halloween is one of the drunkest days of the year, I wouldn’t tempt fate by enticing the inebriated to sit on, eat, or throw your small child. Just a thought.  Those Nov. 1, social services phone calls can be so uncomfortable.

T-shirt guy – If a t-shirt is your costume, just give up.  How many times do you think you’ll get this: “Hey, what’s your costume?  Oh, you’re…lazy…cool.”  Not the best idea.

Nazi, racist, suicide bomber – Ok, Really?  We’re all very impressed with your total disregard for political correctness.  But if you’re trying to pick up that cute coed, the Hitler stash and nifty swastika is probably not helping your odds.  “Hey look!  My costume is…people hate me.”  You’re a winner.

The naked man – Partial credit for ballsiness, but camera phones and live streaming video from iPhones and Droids are pretty much a given.  The rush of being the naked kid is great for one night, but Facebook is forever. And if your parents have a Facebook page…awk-ward.

So, these are some terrible costume ideas.  “Thanks Frank, very helpful. But how do I pick a good costume?” you ask. 

Try to think of what would make your friends laugh, something funny that happened recently, or mocking a public figure in recent news.

And me? I’ll probably just panic and go as a vampire.

Great t-shirt! But sorry, it’s not a costume. (Photo by Frank Runyeon)

Lil’ lobster – Just pop her right on the stove, she loves it! (Courtesy of Dennis Millette)