“The gun is good. The penis is evil,” this is the philosophy uttered by Zardoz, a flying stone head who is seen as a god in the post-apocalyptic dark ages of about 300 years from now.
This is Zardoz, a film made in 1974 that was so wretched it made me question Sean Connery’s otherwise great career as acting as a Scotsmen when playing an Englishmen, Spaniard or Russian.
This movie is terrible not just because of what it is, but what brings it to another level of awful is what this movie could have been.
The main goal of the movie, at most points, seems to be reminding the audience that Sean Connery was James Bond and there are many shots that are simply meant to convey that connection.
An example of this is at the end of the opening scene, Sean Connery’s character “Zed” shoots the camera with a revolver. Get it? Because he’s James Bond, in case you forgot. This film will not let you forget.
There are two societies in the Zardoz world, one of highly intelligent immortals known as Eternals and another of everyone else who live a gritty nomadic life, known as the Brutals. The Brutals are virtually enslaved by the Eternals, and those who are doing the whipping are the Exterminators, who kill a lot of people (like James Bond.)
The film was written, directed and produced by John Boorman, who was just coming off the Academy Award nominated thriller Deliverance and had a promising career ahead of him. Then he made Zardoz, which virtually nullified all Academy Award nominations Boorman had received. Coupled with Connery, this movie could have been so much, but it failed on many, many levels.
The plot thins more when we discover Zed and the other Exterminators have a plan to usurp Zardoz and those in the Vortex. A massive gaping plot hole is how the other Exterminators who weren’t Zed found the Vortex which they clearly do midway through the movie.
One redeeming piece of the movie, I must admit, is Sean Connery’s Fu Manchu, which he sports through the movie, stealing scenes and reminding us that it is a real kick-ass ‘stache.
The Eternals reside in a Vortex which is protected from the rest of the world through an invisible force-field. The force-field can only be penetrated by Zardoz.
The sets for the Eternals appear to be weather balloons attached to an Estate in the Irish Countryside, while the Brutal scenes appear to be Belfast after a massive IRA bombing.
This movie asks the question, hey, have you ever thought “I want to see Sean Connery in a pair of red manties and a ponytail for 90 minutes?” If you answered yes, then Zardoz is the film for you.
If you answered no, then you will see this costuming decision as a bit garish.
The costuming outside of Connery’s disaster looks as if it were purchased in a medieval themed sex shop in the mid 70s. With a sort of show as much skin as possible philosophy, mixed with the fact it was 1974 and the metaphor to the dark ages they were attempting to convey; this mixture leads to some of the worst costumes one has seen in the sci-fi genre.
There are many shots and scenes that are seemingly set to remind you that this is Sean Connery, who was James Bond, such as the chase scene, where Connery spontaneously generates a handgun, where it came from, no one knows, why is it there, because he was James Bond, in case you already forgot.
Zardoz vomits guns and promotes abstinence, essentially making him the ideal Republican candidate for president in 2012.
Zardoz will go down in history as that movie with Sean Connery where he wears a red Speedo, sports a kick-ass mustache and appears in a terrible movie.
