Let’s face it, not everyone is meant for that big comeback.

That means you, Axl Rose.

After 13 long years and 14 different studios, Rose, under the guise of Guns N’ Roses, has finally released his latest album, “Chinese Democracy.”

The album contains 14 new tracks (one song per year), featuring a singing cat with some sort of bronchial infection and a horribly unbalanced band.

The project should have been nixed the moment Slash left the picture, but obviously “Chinese Democracy” is not about the music anymore. This is about selling out and Rose’s desperate attempt at resuscitating a lost cause.

The collapse of “Democracy” should come as no surprise, however, this was a marketing fiasco.

The first six tracks of “Democracy” were available to listen to in full on MySpace. If the free preview didn’t turn people away after the 30 seconds, then they must still be lost in the days where “Paradise City” stood comparatively tall and proud.

I know I didn’t bother buying the album since it was available for free online. I hardly made it through the six songs anyway.

The opening track, “Chinese Democracy,” begins with some strange, distant sound. Perhaps this is a siren, or Axl laughing at people for buying the album, or perhaps this is the lost soul of rock ‘n’ roll, crying for salvation from this awful deathtrap of an album.

Bravely, I continued on, in search of some redeeming factor.

The worst was yet to come when Rose began “singing” incoherently between a muddled guitar/bass/drum concoction. I can only describe this as “musical mud.”

My “favorite” song on the new album has to be “This I Love,” the ear-shattering ballad.

Complete with grand piano and orchestra, Rose’s voice evokes the image of a cat singing opera under a full-moon, in some sort of melodramatic attempt at a love song.

You can’t touch any hearts when the listener can’t understand the raspy, yet shrill, lyrics with the poetic value amounting to that of a third-grader’s.

To top things off, I almost fell over laughing when the equally exaggerated guitar solo took over the melody, still with the hilarious piano and orchestra in the background.

As a stark contrast to “This I Love,” the album takes a sinister turn into “Shackler’s Revenge,” a metal-ish song with Rose apparently singing a duet with Satan.

The only aspect more ridiculous to the album than Rose’s dreadlocks is its confused, nonsensical political message. With a name like “Chinese Democracy,” you’d think Rose was trying to tell us something.

After 13 years, however, and the unintelligible screeching vocals, the world may never know.

One distraught colleague exclaimed, in tortured frustration, the true essence of “Chinese Democracy;” the fact that listening to this very well might be worse than waterboarding.

The last track of my free preview to musical purgatory, track 6 of the album, entitled “Sorry.”

At this point, I can hardly focus on any of the music. I am forced to agree with the usurper of a once great rock ‘n’ roll band.

I’m sorry, too, Axl Rose, I’m sorry too.