As summer begins to cease again, blankets of warmly colored leaves mark fall’s transition, festive celebrations and businesses and establishments begin to open their doors to hire new employees looking for work.

Satiating this annual hunger for seasonal work is the burgeoning and eager population of students, answering the call in hopes of having a holiday that their pockets can celebrate in harmony with their desires.

Often times, there aren’t enough applicants to fill all the jobs that need to be filled, forcing students to decide between equally available and enticing jobs.

For those students still on the search for a job, below is a list of things potential employers look for in applicants:

• Eye contact is a must. Don’t make eye contact unless you must, and when you do, never stop. And also never blink.
• Condensed resumes. Don’t waste their time with detailed descriptions of every job you’ve ever had. Use pictures. Like, a picture of you holding a gun. Or wearing bat wings. I would hire someone who had cool pictures.
• Lie.
• Observational skills. Employers are looking for people who can spot each and every security camera. Wear glasses. They want employees who will find a way to text in any situation.
• Dress for success. What does a full length beard, sweat suit and coke bottle glasses tell an employer? That you mean business.
• People person. How fast can you make everyone you work with extremely uncomfortable?
• Interest. Feigning interest is one of the most important aspects of a new job. Once you fake it enough to get the job, employers don’t need any more effort than the minimum.

When a business puts that sign in the window that says “Help Wanted,” not only are they showing signs of weakness, but they’re also signaling that you will immediately hold a position of power. The sign should really say “Help! We Need All The Help We Can Get And You Are Our Savior.”

It’s important that students remember that employers need them, and not the other way around. Walk in there like you own the place; demand respect from your employer or you will never be respected in the work place.