Shopping for gifts can be hard. Thanks to my mother’s penchant for choosing utterly bizarre and head scratching presents for my dad, I’ve become an expert in what gifts you should never give someone if you actually want them to have a happy holiday.
This is, of course, a skill that is completely useless most of the time, as I myself still have a hard time coming up with material goods to present to my honored ones during our yearly winter rituals. Still, I at least have a good idea of what not to give someone, which includes in no particular order:
“Joke” Gifts: Joke gifts are pretty much a way of saying to someone ‘I know you well enough to understand what you really wanted, so instead I got you the opposite. Because it’s funny.’ As a good example, my mother once got my dad a pressure cooker, when he really wanted a rotisserie grill. The joke was that the box for the cooker was similar to the grill, so as he unwrapped it he became excited, which eventually was crushed by disappointment and then confusion. Apparently this was funny…to someone.
Gift Cards: What better way to tell someone that you know nothing about them or what they like, except for a vague understanding of what stores they frequent, then a gift card?
Pre-Paid Credit Card: A pre-paid credit card can be even worse than a regular gift card, because then you’re telling the receiver that you don’t even know where they like to shop. This is a strange and unfamiliar person to you, and the only thing you can deduce about them is that they like currency, and possibly spending it.
Cash: Cash can be just as bad as the previous examples, except for the fact that you look extraordinarily more lazy just handing someone an envelope full of bills. Unless you’re an uncle who only get’s to see his nephew once a year, you have no reason to give someone cash and call it a real gift. Take for example one of my friends from work, who last Christmas got her boyfriend a lego set. He was a massive geek who loved all things square and buildable, and the $80 set managed to go over quite well. So what did he get her? Straight cash in an envelope. Granted it was quite a bit of money, but the relationship didn’t last long after that, regardless.
Clothes without knowing the receivers measurements: On another occasion, my mother got my dad a sweater. It wasn’t a bad sweater by any means, it was just the fact that it seemed to be made for a man much smaller than my dad, and that same man had one arm slightly longer then the other. It didn’t get a very warm reception, and the moral of the story is that if you absolutely have to get someone clothes, inquiring the person’s size directly can save a lot of embarrassment down the road.
Trash Can: Yes, trash can. My mom got my dad a trash can not long ago. It’s actually a pretty fancy trash can. Still, it was a trash can, and was received as such. But it still managed to be the one gift my dad enjoyed the most. Go figure.
